Advice Dog Is Unadvisable

by Eric March on July 6, 2009 at 11:36 pm

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	App Name:	Advice Dog
	Developer:	Ben Cousins	Version:	1.0
	Publisher:	Ben Cousins	Size:	900 KB
	Category:	Entertainment	Price:	$0.99

Apparently, Advice Dog is an internet meme that managed to completely pass under my radar.  Fancying myself rather savvy on the tubes and ripe for a new Meme of the Month, that can only mean that it originated with the /b/tards on 4chan and was too stupid even for Farkers to pick up. Sure enough, a little legwork over to the Urban Dictionary, and then over to the Encyclopedia Dramatica confirmed my suspicions.

For the questionable benefit of those who share my ignorance, Advice Dog is a golden lab or somesuch originally named Boba Fett whose cute adolescent puppy picture was co-opted by pasting his head on to a rainbow background and making him spew two-line advisory quips that spanned the wide spectrum from bad to dumb to complete non-sequitur.  Adjectives and superlatives such as “funny” and “best” and “hilarious” have been used to describe Advice Dog by people whose sense of humour clearly stopped developing around the time they laughed themselves into a crippling state of apoplexy the first time they learned how to blow into the crook of their arm to make fart noises at will.  If it helps — though I realize nothing does — think of Advice Dog as Jack Handey for the criminally retarded set.

It follows then that Advice Dog for iPhone is … Advice Dog for iPhone.  A large collection of Advice Dog images sporting all sorts of Advice Dog sayings and variations on the theme.  You can view the images sequentially (insofar as there is anything resembling a “story” for which sequential images would make any sort of sense) or randomly.  Functionally, it does what it sets out to do, so Ben has successfully written something that does exactly what he told it to.  Unfortunately, that’s its whole problem right there.  While there is a certain morbid fascination in seeing what idiotic thing Advice Dog will say next that is not dissimilar from deriving a guilty giggle out of watching the inevitable outcome that follows statements like “Hey, y’all, watch this!”, there’s only so much of it you can take before you realize your brain has taken control of your motor functions and is trying to nail your head to a tree.

Suffice it to say, you might enjoy this if you are A) young, B) a /b/tard, or C) one of Conan O’Brien’s writers.  If you are not one of these however, this is the comedic equivalent of being punched in the head by Andy Dick after being subjected to eight hours of his stand-up shtick while handcuffed to Dane Cook.  If that’s not enough, Ben has also released two Advice Dog variants, Rich Raven and Socially Awkward Penguin, just in case your voracious need for self-flagellation isn’t enough for one app to satisfy.  It isn’t enough to to qualify for the Hall of Fail, because obviously Advice Dog has a following of some note, and thus has some function, however unfortunate — but that doesn’t mean I can recommend it.  I may be a grouch, but I’d feel bad if someone’s cranium deflated like a disturbed soufflé because I told them to try this.  That’s just irresponsible.  Funny, but irresponsible.

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Posted in Entertainment, Paid Apps